CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Mr Dawes

Soon after that day, Paul was having a drink with some friends, when Baxter Dawes, Clara's husband, walked in. He was known all over town as a wild man. He drank a lot and was often in fights. When he walked in he had already been drinking for many hours. Everyone could see that he was drunk. Paul hated him.

When Paul went to order some drinks for his friends, Baxter Dawes looked at him and said:

"You are Morel's boy, aren't you?"

"Yes I am," Paul said.

"Tell your father that I said he is the stupidest man I have ever met," Dawes said.

Paul was very angry. He did not know how his father and Dawes knew each other, but he did not care, he would defend his family.

"Well, you are the stupidest man I have ever met, you ugly pig. And I should know," Paul said angrily.

Dawes suddenly ran at Paul. He took hold of his shirt and pushed him against the wall.

"What did you say," Dawes said, pressing his face against Paul's.

Paul said nothing. He had never been in a fight before and he was now very afraid.

"Come outside with me, and I'll teach you a lesson boy," Dawes said.

Two men took Dawes by the arms and pulled him towards the door.

"I'll see you again, boy," Dawes said, as they threw him out onto the street.

Paul stood, not moving. He was white with fear.

He would have died rather than have his mother hear of the fight. The more he thought about it the more he realized that there were now a lot of things he did not want his mother to know. He had a separate life now, his sexual life. The rest was hers though.

He told Clara about what had happened. She was very angry.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"There is nothing I can do, really," he said.

"You can fight him if you have to," she said.

"No, I'm no good at fighting. Most men have a natural feeling for it, but I don't," he said.

Clara worried about her lover. She knew the type of man her husband was, and she knew that there would be more trouble.

Clara was very much in love with him, and he with her. When he was painting he forgot about her, that was his world.

But for Clara it was different, she thought about him every minute of every day. She had no world of her own now.

He knew that every night that he did not see her, she was very sad. So he tried to spend as much time as possible with her. Their time spent together was pure happiness. They could sit for hours, not saying a word, happy just to be together.

One night they were out walking. Something was troubling him. She could feel it in her bones. When they came to a bridge he stopped. He stood looking down at the water. He seemed a long way away.

"Will you always stay here?" she asked him.

"No, I'll leave soon, to travel the world," he answered.

"Travel the world, why?" she said in surprise.

"I don't know, I feel that I have to leave," he said.

There was a silence. The wind made the water break and move. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't ask me anything about the future. I don't know what I'm going to do. But now I'm with you. That is all that is important to me," he said.

She took him in her arms. After all, she was a married woman, and she had no right even to what he gave her now. He needed her badly. She had him in her arms and he was sad, sad for the life he must live. With her warmth she tried to make him feel better. She loved him. She would be happy with every moment he could give her.

After a moment he lifted his head.

"Clara," he said.

She held him passionately. She pressed his head down onto her chest. She would do anything to take away the pain that showed in his voice. He could have anything he wanted from her, anything. All she wanted at that moment was his happiness.

Soon the sorrow in his mind died down. But Clara was gone. All that was left was a woman, warm and loving and something to love. His love became that of an animal. He was alone. Alone forever now, he knew now that love would never be anything more than the passion of two separate people. It would end or die, and he would always be left alone. The closest you could ever get to another person was never going to be close enough to take away the loneliness of being alive.

Clara was unhappy. She could feel the love between them, but she could not keep hold of him. His being was too big and wild. She worried that she would never be able to call him her own. He seemed to be too big for one woman. There would always be a part of him that she could never know.

So the battle began between them. She knew that he would never fully be hers, and he knew that in some way she still thought of herself as a married woman. Her passion for the young man had filled her life. She felt more alive now than she ever had. But in the back of her mind she knew that they would go their own ways in the end. And that the rest of her life would be sad, because he was gone.

One night after he had left Clara and was walking to the train station he saw a man approaching through the snow.

"Good evening," the man said.

"Good evening," Paul said, not taking any notice of the stranger.

"Paul Morel?" said the man.

Then he knew it was Dawes. He stopped.

"I have got you now," said Dawes.

"Excuse me, I will miss my train," said Paul.

"You're going to get it now boy," Dawes told him.

Paul started to walk away, but Dawes stepped in front of him. Before he knew what had happened he was falling backwards, having been hit. Everything went black. He came to his senses with a feeling of great anger. He began to fight. Dawes was a much bigger man and had been in many fights before, but at first Paul was winning. He hit Dawes as hard as he could and in the middle of his anger he did not care if he killed him. But Dawes soon started to fight back. He beat Paul about the head. He was a grown man and his strength tired the younger man. Paul fell to the ground. Dawes kicked him in the stomach to make sure he would not get up again. Then he ran off down a dark street.

Paul woke up a few minutes later. He knew where he was and what had happened. He picked himself up and headed for home. When he got home he was happy that every one had gone to bed. His body was hurting very much now. He looked at himself in the mirror. His face was covered in blood; he looked like a dead man.

In the morning he woke up to see his mother looking down at him.

"It is nothing mother, don't worry," he told her. "It was Baxter Dawes."

Mrs Morel said nothing. She quietly did all she could do to make her son feel better. She never asked about what had happened. All she cared about was that her son was now at home and safe. Clara came to visit him, but she made him feel tired and hopeless. He told her that he would come to see her when he was better. Miriam also came, but she was like a stranger to him now. The only person he wanted to see was his mother.

Some weeks after Paul had recovered, he noticed that his mother was looking very tired. He told her that he would pay for her to see a doctor. At first she said that she did not need to, but after a few more days it was clear to everyone, including herself, that she must.

It was a great shock to all of the family when she returned home from the doctor and told them that she needed to go to the hospital. She needed an operation. It seemed impossible that this little woman, who had held the family together for so many years, was now in danger. It had always been her that everyone turned to in times of trouble. What would they do now?

(end of section)